


wooden bracelets

by agathons



Series: four times feliciano hugged ludwig, and one time when ludwig did. [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Picnics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 07:56:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4427504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agathons/pseuds/agathons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feliciano leaves his school in the middle of semester, takes a plane to UK to have a picnic with his friends, to reload his batteries. But something about his behaviour is different. </p><p>"Ludwig just wanted to go home and open those cold beers that were waiting for him in the fridge and maybe read, maybe watch some TV …. he planned on getting some relax, as it was Friday and Gilbert will be <em>“hittin’ da club”</em> as he informed him during the breakfast. But it happened that a certain Italian was in the city that afternoon, so he and Kiku were obligated to go out with Feliciano on a picnic. Feliciano insisted and there was something in Feliciano that made Ludwig unable to refuse."</p>
            </blockquote>





	wooden bracelets

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay omg 
> 
> Also please forgive me but I can't come up with proper chapter names

Ludwig sighed and wiped away small drops of sweat off his forehead. This year’s May was really hot, well at least for English standards. Ludwig felt stuffiness in his office, which couldn’t be helped even after opening the window. All he could do was shrug and roll up the sleeves of his light blue shirt and go back to work. For a brief moment he considered undoing his collar and slacking off his tie, but his thoughts were interrupted by his phone’s buzz; Feliciano’s name came up on the screen. 

_Luddy, do you happen to like pesto?? I have like dozen of bruschettas with pesto i hope u like it?? SORRY i haven’t thought about it before but i hope u & kiku will like it???_

The text also included couple of emojis, one with gritted teeth and one with fork and knife. Ludwig closed his eyes and sighed again.

 _I do happen to like pesto. Don’t worry. See you soon._ He texted back and got up from his chair. It was the end of his shift. The German man eyed his desk, turned off his computer and, putting on his well-tailored jacket, walked out of his office. 

*

Kiku was already on place. It made Ludwig a bit irritated, because it meant that he wasn’t perfectly on time. 

“Hello, Kiku” he offered a handshake to the Japanese man and Kiku shook his hand lightly. 

“Feliciano will be late, I assume?” Kiku asked, folding his hands back. Ludwig nodded and he finally let himself slack off his tie. Freedom, he thought, finally. He just wanted to go home and open those cold beers that were waiting for him in the fridge and maybe read, maybe watch some TV …. he planned on getting some relax, as it was Friday and Gilbert will be _“hittin’ da club”_ as he informed him during the breakfast. But it happened that a certain Italian was in the city that afternoon, so he and Kiku were obligated to go out with Feliciano on a picnic. Feliciano insisted and there was something in Feliciano that made Ludwig unable to refuse. So all his carefully chosen arguments on why three adult men can’t have a picnic in Greenwhich Park were long gone on holidays on Tenerife, because Feliciano looked at him _that_ way. There was something special about that stare, it wasn’t exactly a “puppy” stare but it did have the ability to melt Ludwig’s serious and well-organised heart even through a laptop screen, even through a videochat. So there he was now, standing by Kiku’s side near the gates of Greenwich Park, holding an ecological shopping bag, waiting for the cheerful Italian. 

*

Kiku eyed his two companions. He and Ludwig were now sitting on a colorful blanket Feliciano brought and were listening to his chattering followed by rich gestures that made bracelets on Feliciano’s wrists rattle. The Italian liked to talk, but there was nothing selfish in it - he just liked to express his thoughts and opinions out loud so it was understandable he chose to study art in Venice. Kiku couldn’t help but think that something - or someone - had been holding Felician back from talking so much and now he wanted to make up this for himself. Or maybe the company was suitable for Feliciano’s talking, since Ludwig seemed to be really intrigued by the Italian man’s story

It was getting quite late and Kiku had four unanswered calls from Alfred so he stood up from the blanket and muttered something about his reckless American roommate who might have gotten into some trouble, so you see, Ludwig. Kiku’s on duty. 

(Actually, Alfred was waiting for Kiku in front of the park’s gate, wearing his old leather jacket, holding two coffees ordered to-go with his motorcycle ready for trip out of town.)

Kiku had this weird feeling that Ludwig knew he was lying. But it was already happening and nothing could stop it- besides Alfred was the one to come up with that excuse, because he also “shipped” (Gilbert’s vocabulary) a certain Italian with acertain German. 

“Ciao, Kiku!” Feliciano waved at the Japanese man’s figure now slowly becoming distant, after they all exchanged their goodbyes (and kisses on the cheek in Feliciano’s case) and made plans for their next meeting. Feliciano’s hand flopped and he let out small sigh. Suddenly, his face changed- it became more serious, even older. He started packing up plastic plates. Ludwig obviously noticed, but decided that sometimes even Italians get tired so he didn’t say anything.

*

“So, Feliciano” Ludwig finally broke the awkward silence between them that suddenly hung in the air after they cleaned up and started walking down the park alley. The afternoon changed into a rather cool evening as the sky turned cloudy. The German was a little tipsy due to the amount of wine Feliciano had brought.

The Italian looked up, smiling.

“You haven’t told us the reason why you came here.” Ludwig said. “I mean I know you wanted to visit us, but it’s middle of the semester and-”

“Oh, I was just bored.” The Italian shrugged, brushing his palm through his gingerbread coloured hair “And I figured meeting my old friends will, you know, help me reload my batteries and-”

And then Ludwig acted without even thinking. He grasped Feliciano’s hand,the one he used for brushing his hair, and held it in the air. Feliciano’s expression was- to Ludwig’s surprise- quite terrified. He gulped. 

“What have you gotten yourself into this time, you klutz?” Ludwig asked lightly, pointing at a rather wide, worn out patch placed on Feliciano’s forearm, below the colorful bracelets.

Feliciano stuttered, his gaze nervously switching from his forearm to Ludwig’s face. “Umm, I … my roommate has a cat and, well-”

Their eyes met and the smile brushed off the German’s face as he suddenly realised what was happening. He felt as if someone punched him in the stomach with a very heavy object. A cold shiver ran down his spine and his face turned crimson.

“Oh my God-” Ludwig let go of Feliciano’s arm, “I am so sorry, Feliciano, forgive me-”

Feliciano drew back his hand, clunching it to his chest. He looked really frightened and there were tears shining in his eyes. Ludwig straightened and looked away.

“So, uhm, your roommate’s cat is pretty aggresive, hm?” he asked staring at his shoes, feeling so embarassed he could slam his face against pavement. There was no response from Feliciano and when Ludwig looked up he noticed that the Italian had sat down on the nearest bench. He was leaning against his elbows, covering his face with his hands. He was shaking.

Ludwig suddenly really considered lying down and reapeadly slamming his stupid face on the concrete. But instead he walked over to the crying Italian and crouched down beside him.

“Feliciano.” his voice was quiet and calm. He felt like shit, mostly because _he made Feliciano feel like shit._ “Please, talk to me.” there was no response apart from sniffling sounds, so he kept on talking.

“Feliciano, if there’s something- or someone- that hurt you…” 

“There is.” Feliciano straightened, his wet eyes looking into Ludwig’s blue ones. His voice sounded gravely and emotionless. For Ludwig, to see Feliciano like that, it was like seeing a different person. Or maybe that was the real Feliciano Vargas, a sudden and wild thought crossed Ludwig’s mind.

“It’s me. I’m hurting myself.”

Ludwig felt pain in his chest and kneeled before Feliciano, resting his palms on the Italian man’s shoulders. Feliciano began to slowly shake his head; tears were falling down from his eyes and he was avoiding any eye contact with Ludwig.

Ludwig felt a giant knot in his throat but he managed to wheeze out one question “Why?”

Feliciano shrugged. 

“I thought it may help me.” 

“With what?” Ludwig asked, sounding a bit annoyed for some reason. That scared Feliciano away and he pushed Ludwig’s arms away.

“With how shitty I feel?” he cried out suddenly “With all those things I am unable to do? I wanted this all” he gestured “to go. I couldn’t handle it. And no one was able to help me.” 

Ludwig shifted and sat down on the bench, next to Feliciano. “Why haven’t you told me about all that when we were talking?” he said, calmly again. Ludwig in fact didn’t know what to do and how to react, never before had he been in a situation like this. But he wanted to help - Feliciano was so sensitive, he just needed Ludwig’s aid. And his sweet voice telling Ludwig how he was his 'best friend' still echoed in the German man’s mind. Feliciano intertwined his fingers together and rested them on his knees, stubbornly staring at his bracelets. 

“I thought you’d be mad at me.” He spoke finally. “For not being strong enough.”

Ludwig blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I though you’d shout at me” Feliciano replied, his voice shaky. “I told some people and they shouted at me.”

Ludwig gulped and shifted closer. What was he supposed to do now?

“I-I am not going to shout at you” he started. His voice was calm and silvery. “I am going to help you, okay?”

Feliciano finally looked up at Ludwig . “People told me that artists are always depressed or that I’m faking it” he said, his voice nearly inaudible. “My roommate said I improved my painting skills because of that.” 

The German eyed Feliciano from his feet to the top of his head and couldn’t handle the anger that was boiling his blood right now. He wanted to personally speak to everyone who treated Feliciano that way. Well, maybe 'speak' was a bit exaggeration- he wanted to beat them up pretty badly. 

“I’ll help you” Ludwig promised. “I swear I will. No one will ever hurt you again in any way.”

Feliciano clasped his palms around Ludwig’s neck and shifted closer. Before Ludwig realised, the Italian was cuddling against him and crying into his chest. Ludwig’s palm rested on Feliciano’s back. He patted it awkwardly. Feliciano was muttering something between his tears, but Ludwig was unable to hear it, plus he was sure it was in Italian.

After a while Feliciano sighed and shifted back; a shy smile beamed up on his face. Ludwig smiled back softly. His phone buzzed suddenly in his pocket. It was probably Gilbert, but Ludwig couldn’t be bothered to talk to his brother right now.

He had an idea.


End file.
